I need a kick

smoking can kill

I had two packs of L&Ms again today, I hate it. I really should stop smoking but the infinite search for a true potion to heal and put a dead end to this horrible habit is still beyond my capacity and reach. As I write this entry, I am puffing away my 5th stick from my second pack and I just bought it like an hour ago. Abominable.

My sinful love for fags started in college. I was 19 at that time and just like the majority of first time smokers in the fabulous third world that I came from, I started with ¨ sigarilyo ng mga hostess¨ (whore´s cigarette) Phillip Morris menthols. After a couple of months, I switched to Lucky Strike red then Marlboro red then finally, lights. Here in Spain, Marlboro Lights is like the red ones--strong, so I stuck with L&M lights which has the nearest taste to Marlboro Lights. I like it and I feel sick with other brands now.

We all know the horrors of smoking. Everything can happen to you...from stained teeth, memory loss, cancer, weak and low sperm counts, impotence and many more. However, if there is a legal substance that I am addicted to, it would be cigs and Coke Light. I can't live without the two. I can refrain from drinking Coke Light for a week but then again, I relapse. I know a lot of people who cannot live without Coca-Cola as well. Believe me, there should be Coke anonymous. Anybody out there who would like to sign up?

In fairness to my faithful fags, they are the one thing that sticks with me through thick and thin. We've been through good and bad times and whenever I run out of those, I scan the streets even at the wee hours of mornings, shaking, to find them by hook or by crook. I would beg, steal, borrow or even give a head just to have a stick or two if I have to.

How many conversations I started that led to friendship, business deals or to bed because of cigarettes? In good times, you smoke to celebrate; in bad, you smoke to let the animal in your cage get out and be free.

When I first came to Spain, I was surprised and even shocked when I found out that in any McDonald's that you go to they serve beer and you can actually smoke inside! McDo is not a kiddieland here. It is just your ordinary restaurant and like any other restos, you can always have a good puff after a hefty meal. Spain is a smoker's paradise or at least it used to be. On January of this year, they had a ban to smoke in all public places. However, since the Spanish are predominantly smokers, especially the women, almost all restaurants are STILL smoker- friendly. Lovely. That's what I call principle.

If people don't want to inhale smoke, get out and find your own place. One must respect each other, no? If you have the right not to inhale nicotine, you have to respect the fact that there are people who loves it. To each, his own.

The non smoking ban in all public places has started for the squeaky clean United States of Bush ( In California where people don't smoke but sniff coke) and it is now spreading all over the world. From New York, Cuba (what ever happened to the cigar industry there now, I wonder), Ireland (imagine a smoke free Irish pub. Unimaginable but now, I think they're used to it), and very soon, in the whole of the UK. Good thing the Spanish are hard headed people. Spain was and still is a smoker´s paradise and I love it.

It's been almost ten years now that I'm hooked to this habit and I know I need to slow down. Impotence is the last thing that I want to suffer from in this lifetime. There are just loads of gorgeous men out there to be...f...friends with. hehehehe. Remember though: I do not advocate smoking nor I am condemning it. I am pro-choice, anti censorship. That's why we are far more superior than the animal kingdom---because we have brains and with our brain, we think, we decide, we have control of ourselves.

I'm cutting this entry short.Excuse me, I need to smoke.

The Virgin's Pride.

Believe it or not, I am still a virgin...when it comes to European gay pride. In my three years of stay here in Spain, I haven't been to one yet although in Torremolinos, every Saturday is a gay pride day. You just can't miss the towering transvestites who look like they're early (or late) for the Halloween. However, it is rightfully so that you don't go to the pride march if you only want to see trannies, muscled Marys, transsexuals or plain homos in costume. Attending one is like renewing your vow to gayhood and celebrating the right to be free from any form of oppressions. As every faggot in the world know, gay pride started with the Stonewall riots which gave way to the birth of gay right movements all around the world. Although now, the pride march seemed to be more like a big excuse for the gay community to have a massive party (legally) and to get laid afterwards, it is and will be a reminder that we exist. We're here, we're queer and there's nothing you can do about that, hypocrites.

So this Saturday, Antonio and I will buy the tickets for our Madrid trip (the main event by the way is on the 30th of this month. see poster) and I just hope that we could get some because last year, we had a horrible experience trying to get a bus to Madrid from here in Malaga. We were at the ticket office Friday afternoon and the office was closed. First thing Saturday, we went back and they told us the tickets are sold out. Imagine, we had our luggage with us already at that time! So, we had our own celebration in Torremolinos that night where it was, of course, empty because everyone was in MADO.

Back in the fabulous third world where I came from, The GayPride is held on the last Saturday of June as well, I think. I had my first taste of the parade when I was with my first boyfriend which was Vietnamese-Filipino. It was all new to me and I was running away from the TV cameras covering the event. I just graduated from college at that time and I didn't want my parents to see my face plastered on the six o'clock news, no? From then on, I made it a point to join every year. The last one was the white party in MALATE which is like the Castro version of Manila. It was pouring at that time and my girl-friends and I were dancing on the street with ¨Let the sunshine in¨ playing like mad in the air. It was absolutely brilliant.

So, just like every gaypride, I am again frantic and worry a lot. I don't worry about how many condoms and what flavours I should take that night or how many men I should sleep with, or if I ever get to meet the man of my dream...the one with exploding muscles and a hard hat, but what I am soooo worried about is the usual suspect: WHAT TO WEAR.

I am thinking of coming like this:
but then again, i still have to lose another 10 kilos ( from 80 kilos I'm now 69 , by the way. Fierce!) to pull that off. And Hair! I would be needing lots of them! Blonde of course. Although the Paris Hilton outfit in the New York wax museum wouldn't be a bad idea at all.

However, I told myself, If I wouldn't be Paris for a day, I am not gonna dress up like any celebs at all. So I opted instead for this:
Wacha say people? nice huh? hehehe. I think it's perfect. As a EuroPride Virgin, this sweet and innocent costume is but fierce. The only thing I would be needing now are some lollies and a great teacher to show this little schoolgirl the ways of the world...

Nadal's Territory

Take everything, Federer but the French Open is Rafa's and Rafa's ALONE.
Sunday, I almost die of heart attack when I saw the match. Usually, I don't go through the masochistic ordeal of staying for hours to see who's going to win especially during the finals but hey, I need to see Rafa breaking pretty boy Federer's balls. And he did. Congratulations Rafa!
PARIS -- Roger Federer missed another chance at the French Open. Actually, he missed 16 chances. Federer converted only one of 17 break-point opportunities Sunday, and his bid to complete a career Grand Slam was foiled again Sunday by nemesis Rafael Nadal. The Spaniard won his third Roland Garros title in a row, 6-3, 4-6, 6-3, 6-4. Continue...