Yohooo!!! To my two faithful readers, I´m back with a vengeance.

After days of solitude and pondering, again, for the nth time, I´ve come up with a plan for myself.

You see, I´ve always dreamed of being thin. To be precise, SKINNY on the verge of being anorexic. You know... that rock star kind of thin...too much drugs, sex and rock and roll case. However; years of attempts and until now only my SOUL has achieved that but not my physical body.

I´ve tried every diet available in the market but I always go back to my voluptuous self: BANGKOK pills at the height of it´s popularity and I lost a couple of kilos but the problem was, I always felt like floating after taking those goddamn pills. I remember doing a mountainous pile of laundry without any efforts at all `cause I felt really light and energetic--exactly what it feels like after 10 grams of metamphetamine (not that I tried it though but that´s what they say).

Before I came to Spain, I was on ATKINS diet and God! how I loved it. I was waif, and everybody thought I was 18 years old (I was 25 at that time)! However, coming to the coast without anything but your perfect American accent, a lip gloss and a pack of Marlboro Lights was not exactly a passport to fame and fortune like everybody back home thought it would be if you migrate to other countries. You had to survive and find a job even if it means de-scaling and pulling out fish guts, washing dishes, and scrubbing filthy restaurant floors. With these tedious activities, you need the help of CARBOHYDRATE=evil. So, instead of lying on the floor half breathing due to starvation, I went back to eating carbs=evil and obviously now, my cheeks are puffed again like never before.

Then I got the red alert: My friends from Manila are coming over to visit me in June and they are all slim and fabulous (again,thanks to ATKINS). I spoke to one of them, Xtian and she told me: ¨You have to go on a diet, honey or else, we will laugh at your face!¨ .
Don´t you just love her?

Not only that. These past few months, I have been slapped left and right with below the belt criticisms (about my weight , what else) by people I know and barely know.

Yesterday, i bumped with an old officemate, Murray, after more than two years of absolute silence. He is a 30 something German-Spanish baby maker whose work is to do anything and everything legal and illegal here in the coast aside from prostituting himself ( which I´m sure would leave him bankrupt if he does). He is 100 % straight and has an exotic coloured wife and a son who talks one thousand words per minute.

I immediately noticed how much he lost weight so I asked him what illegal substance he is using and maybe, just maybe, I could put an order to his supplier.

¨Too much sex. It is just crazy¨he said, with a weird andaluz-german accent.
¨Yeah right¨ I said.
¨well okay, not too much but too long. It takes me 2 hours know...¨
¨You wish¨
¨What about you, I liked you better before: slim, petite, etc. You look like a man now. You gained weight!¨

I almost fainted when he said that. I knew I had to do something. My mouth was spewing froth and I didn´t know how to react. This man, who doesn´t even know me that well has just blatantly criticized my weight without any remorse!

So today is my first official day of going back to my beloved ATKINS diet. Lunchtime, I had ham and cheese sans bread. Lovely. For dinner, I had vegetable salad and a piece of pork. That´s it. No fucking carbs=evil!!!!

If anorexia can kill so does Obesity. Check this out. Children should not be fed like PIGS. They are human beings. You cannot sell them to the butchery, for crying out loud!!! In my opinion, I think this mother should be stoned to death on top of the BIG BEN for making her kid as big as an elephant at the age of what? 8!!!!

I am not mean. I just feel bad for this kid who might be suffering from daily dose of Bullying in school.

The world is cruel, whether we accept it or not. The idea of beauty has changed. I want to be want to be thin...everybody wants to be thin and that is a FACT.

Channelling Carson Daly...manorexia, here I come.

the friend who got away

I was raving about my new best friend Ann O. last week. Last night she ran out of battery so I immediately charged her so that we could have more fun soon. However, she seemed to not like me at all. She went dead. I was in tears trying to bring her back to life. I read the manual from cover to cover and did all I can to resuscitate her but in vain.

I didn’t know what happened to her. The manual said if she is not blinking the green light once charged, it is just warming up. She warmed up the whole night, all right—she was cold as a cadaver!

I will bring her to the store this week. I am so disappointed. I told you. Building friendship is not easy.

Weekend Whatevers

Okay, so I said that my weekend was planned and that I would do a little bit of travelling to Granada and Antequera. However, few hours after I posted that blog, my faithful friend Satellite (not his reals name of course), called me up to cancel because he had to do some work Saturday morning. Fine. I still had my Antequera lined up for Sunday, so I didn´t really bother. Saturday, I just wandered around La CaƱada shopping centre and bought my new best friend in Spain since all my friends here are either busy with work, out on vacation, or has fled Spain permanently for fear of the Mafias. Bien.
Meet Airis. a.k.a. Ann O´rexica. Why? See for your self!
This beauty (with 5.o megapixels) is also a cheapie! 89 Euros (including pseudo-leather casing) and the best part is, it is rechargeable. I don´t need to buy lithium battery every so often. I know, I know, she is not branded like Nikon or anything but hey, she is is fun and light too!

I took tons of pictures in the shopping centre but accidentally erased them all after. I guess I am semi-Luddite in one way or another, I dont like gadgets and their complicated world but still, I should have read the goddamn manual! Oh well.

My friend Satellite and I spent the afternoon walking around Marbella. It was a lovely afternoon and the beach are almost full of sunworshippers. i bumped with former officemate, Charles and we had a good chat which lasted 2 hours or so. It turned out he´s got some business ideas using the same medium that I was thinking about for mine and it was good to have communicated with him about it. Anyway, it is still a top secret.

Fast Forward---I called it a day very early Saturday night. I had a big date the next day and the last thing that I would like to happen is to look like Kate Moss ---5 bags of cocaine and thousand of fags after---(hmm..BUT she still looks good despite of it all, doesn´t she?). My date booked a table for two already in Antequera and I wanted to be fabulous visiting the land of...of...I really don´t know `coz I haven´t been there. I did a Google search on it but all I saw were mountains, trees and sunflowers. Anyway, I didn´t care. It´s been a long time since someone booked a table for my presence and I was looking forward to this one. I was a sleeping beauty at 10 pm sharp.

4am, I received a text (and I quote): I am very sorry I am going to have 2 cancel today´s trip to Antequera. I have been up all night, I think salmonela food poisoning. I´ll ring u later. So sorry. I´m still in pain. xxx Fil (not his real name, again)

I painstakingly got up and deleted 3 alarms I had (in case I wouldn´t hear the first one) in my mobile phone and tucked myself back to dreamland.

He called me again about 8 am to apologized. I wished him an immediate recovery.

To avoid the lazy Sunday, I went to the mercadillo (flea market) in Torremolinos with Filipino friends. I thought I would check out some really nice stuff since in I´m used going to the Ukay -ukay (our version of flea market) in Manila where one could get a second or third hand CHANEL suit for 50 pesos ( 90 euro cents) but I was disappointed. It looked like a giant carpark of garbage and filthy Chinese imported shits! So, in the midst of unusually blazing sun, I took pictures of the mercadillo instead.

When we were in the car, I did the same stupid thing again of messing with my new friend Ann O. (my digicam, if you haven´t been reading attentively). Alas! all my fabulous pics were gone in a microsecond.

I think Anne is still warming up on me. It is difficult to establish friendship you know. One thing is for sure though: you can´t mess with her. She kicks ass.

Note: I just put a visitor tracker in my blogpage. I´ve noticed that I´ve got loads of people visiting without leaving a message. Por Favor! Hablame!

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