Whooops, A Daisy!


I don´t know about you guys but I really am having a hard time posting pic in my profile. I don´t have my face uploaded in the internet aside from my Friendster´s so I have to upload one to my blog first before I can stick it in my profile (if you are a blogger.com member, you should know what I am talking about. I don´t). So when I saw this Flickr photo from DesVelado, I thought this was perfect. Cut, paste and I´m ready to go.

Here´s KEN in his dandy torero outfit!

Isn´t she maravillosa? Olé!

What´s with the suicide?


Only days ago, the Spanish Princess´s youngest sister was found in her Madrid apartment lifeless with a bottle of god knows what pills and suicide notes to her family. Today, Anna Nicole Smith, celebrity,reality show star, GUESS? model and the object of my male high school classmates´nightly self-abuse ,was found in her Florida hotel drugged and dead. What´s the world coming into?

Could it be that the dreadful valentine season has something to do with this awful life-taking? Or could it be just a case of another conspiracy theory?

In the case of Anna Nicole, it must be the latter. Maybe she didn´t kill herself. Maybe she was killed. With her lifelong battle with deceased husband´s money, it is easy to formulate a murder theory. Just last year, she lost her son to drug overdose as well but as what my friend Elle said, (she´s mad about conspiracy theories and believes that Osama Bin Laden is inside the White House smoking a cigar in the Oval Office, with guess who.) their deaths must have been planned by her former husband´s family.

As of the Doña Letizia´s sister Erika, no one knows what made her kill herself as the Royal family was quick to stop any leakage to the press.

I don´t judge them. To each his own although I admit I´m scared of blood so it would never cross my mind to lash my immaculate pulse or take just so many sleeping pills as I am allergic to them and give me bad diarrhea.

Whoever said that we were brought to this world to be happy? TV. In reality, we all have our crosses to bear and shits to swallow. Some people think that death is the easiest way out but how would you know if it really is? Who, in the history of men have testified that there is indeed another life after death?

What if there´s nothing out there at all...what if we just rot and become food to the maggots?

Gay Beasts


Yep, They´re Gay
by John Cloud
TIME.com
Friday, Jan. 26, 2007

Zoologists have known for many years that homosexuality isn't uncommon among animals. (My own cat has raised suspicions ever since he tried to mount a cowering male dachshund.) But I was surprised to learn recently that male sheep exhibit homosexuality at least as often as humans: roughly 8% of rams turn out to have sex exclusively with other rams.


This little piece of faunal ephemera might otherwise have gone unnoticed outside the rarely intersecting subcultures of gays and shepherds. But a few months ago, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals launched a p.r. campaign on behalf of gay sheep. PETA claims that researchers in Oregon are killing gay sheep and cutting open their brains in order to learn how to turn gay rams straight. A few weeks ago, London's Sunday Times picked up the story in an unnerving article that states the research "raises the prospect that pregnant women could one day be offered a treatment to reduce or eliminate the chance that their offspring will be homosexual." The story has pinged around quite a few blogs since, and Rush Limbaugh and Martina Navratilova have taken their predicted positions. (Limbaugh: gay activists finally have a reason to oppose abortion. Navratilova: homophobes are murdering gay sheep.)


Attack of the Jelly Willies


My officemate, Yvette brought me and Lisa a box each of these cute gummies yesterday.

How does it taste like? Horrible , like rubber. And I don´t mean like DUREX rubber. GOODYEAR rubber, more likely.

That afternoon, we heard Lisa, in tears barely able to shout:
¨I´ve got a willy stuck in my throaaaaaaatttttt!!!!!!!!

I am not calling the ambulance, I thought.

FILIPINOS and self-cannibalism






Eat yourself.




This is Filipinos Cookies. When I came across this chocolate-coated cookies in the Spanish market, I stopped and gathered my thoughts. I was confused on how to react.
Should I go ballistic and ask all my Filipino friends here in Spain to boycott this product and start a campaign to flood hatemails to its manufacturer, United Biscuits? OR should I be flattered by the fact that the Spanish people regard us a delicious race?
Filipinos is the number one brand of chocolate biscuit in Spain. It comes in a variety of shapes—donut, sticks and balls and your choice of either white or brown chocolate flavours.
Of course I get offended, correlating the shapes of the biscuits into human sexual appendages; and giving metaphor to our country’s sex industry –something that we are famous for…in the 70´s.
Also, it is quite offensive (although hilarious) how one will use the word Filipino (as the biscuit) in a sentence, really.

Example:

¨Has probado Filipinos? Es muy Rico!¨
(Have you tried Filipinos? It is so delicious!)
¨Come Filipinos!¨
(Eat Filipinos!)
¨Me gustan los Agujeros de Filipinos!¨
(I like those Filipino balls!)
¨Me encantan los Filipino Sticks!¨
(I love Filipìno Sticks!)




I know it can be very offensive to some. Of all the races in the world, why did they name a cookie after us? Why not, say, Iraq cookies (advertising line can be: explosive taste!) or United States of America Cookies (with 51 flavours to choose from!).
Well, only United Biscuits knows the answer to that.

I’m not at all bothered really, to be honest with you. One need to have a sense of humour these days or else you’ll die of severe depression with everything that’s going on with the world. It has nothing to do with being patriotic at all; on the contrary, I believe any Filipino who goes abroad automatically becomes its ambassador of goodwill. I bet my sweet ass on that one.

I stopped eating those biscuits though, not for any racism issues but because of dietary reasons. Winter makes one fat, much more those cookies.

Also, I always have this weird thing in my mind when I’m eating those.
I think:
I am eating Filipinos. Am I eating myself? Yes, I am eating myself. Gross.



Photos from: http://www.filipinos.com.es/
In case you´re wondering what ¨Apuntaté al buen rollo¨ means, it´s ¨Sign up to a good time¨ (or much closer to good trip, in good trip/bad trip context).

GAZfuckingPACHO


If there is one thing I could never put in my mouth and swallow (and you know, I put A LOT of things in my mouth and swallow), that would be the Spanish cold soup called GAZPACHO. It’s a concoction of tomatoes, garlic, oil and bread crumbs, and is supposed to be very good for the health.


I remember when my ex-boyfriend Paco, use to prepare that for me for breakfast and I was like—¨I’m not drinking fucking garlic for breakfast!¨ However, people do all sorts of things for love (or so I thought it was) and I couldn’t help but to just close my eyes and swallow that slimy orangey mixture of vegetables without breathing.


I thought I would be getting used to it like in the case of Olives. I never eat olives before as they taste ¨raro” (weird). However, one day, I just found out I was unconsciously eating them while I was watching TV. Now, I can finish a can of olives on a two hour movie marathon.


Spanish people love them especially during the summer season because it is refreshing and really cools one off. I never have proven its effects though because after we broke up, I swore never to even take a sip of it ever again.


So how does it taste like? Well, Imagine oil, salt and garlic, vinegar all combined and all put in a blender to bring some froth…it´s sour, salty, tangy..I really can´t explain; but for me, it is just repulsive.

I don´t know Paco´s whereabouts now, although I´m sure he is still sipping Gazpacho for breakfast. Looking back, I think I made the right decision…





(flickr photo by manthatcooks / recipe from www.andalucia.com/taste )

GAZPACHO ANDALUZ

75 g stale bread (Spanish loaf, not packaged bread), crusts removed
1 kg ripe tomatoes, peeled and seeded
3 cloves garlic2 tsp saltpinch of ground cumin
6 tbsp olive oil
5 tbsp vinegar
about 300 ml water
For the garnish:100 g green peppers, finely chopped100 g cucumber, peeled and finely chopped1 small onion, finely chopped1 small tomatoes, finely chopped2 slices bread, toasted and diced

Put the bread to soak in enough water to cover for 10 minutes. Squeeze out excess water and put the bread in a blender or processor. Cut the peeled tomatoes into chunks and add to the blender with the garlic, salt and cumin. Process until puréed (in two or more batches if necessary). With the motor running add the oil in a slow stream, then add the vinegar. The mixture will thicken and change colour as the oil emulsifies. Add a little of the water and transfer to a serving bowl or pitcher. Stir in water to the desired consistency. Chill until serving time. Place the chopped peppers, cucumbers, onion, tomato and breadcrumbs in individual small bowls or in a divided dish and serve them as accompaniments. Gazpacho may also be served in glasses or mugs for sipping. Omit the garnishes.

The Frozen Chatroom


(flickr photo by richards_abigail)

The weekend went so fast and windy, as in literally windy. In the news, the waves broke to the shore, trees fell and in other parts of the country,everything was buried under thick snow while here on the coast which is supposed to be the sunniest part of Spain,the temperature dropped to a depressing 2 degrees (don´t ask me if it´s Fahrenheit or Celsius coz i never know the answer. One thing for sure--it´s bloody cold!) I had no other options but to stay home and became an accessory to a crime called piracy by watching movies online.
I was days behind an article deadline for our magazine however, my head just shuts during weekend, and no matter how I try to squeeze my creative juices out, nothing came out of me as if I was dehydrated.Tired of human beings, I decided I was incommunicable for 2 days until something really interesting like Colin Farrell, for example calling and asking me out for a dinner. Only then, I would move my big tight,bubbly ass off my comfy chair.

Until FEDE popped up on my msn messenger.

Now who the hell is FEDE? Don´t laugh. His real name is FEDERICO (bwahahaha) a 40 something cute guy I met on one of the scarcely decent dating sites about a month ago. He is from a town called Granada (and no, Isabel Granada isn´t from there), a high peak about 2 hours from where I live. It is a very lovely town used to be a Moorish colony and home to the famous Alhambra--the moorish palace dating back to the 18th century (I think.). It is also the ski destination in the south of Spain, which means, it is terribly cold, reason for which, I don´t dare get near there.

Anyway, going back to FEDE.

This man is a journalist. After a couple of searches in GOOGLE, I found out that he writes for 3 different local papers, has his own radio show and maintains 2 different websites about film and Extra- Terrestrial stuff.Very intelligent, interesting and the only person that I know who would like to visit ICELAND in the future--- something that i have been dreaming of. Not for the snow but because of BJORK. Now what a coincidence! In short, we hit it off immediately after a couple of hours of meeting and talking online.

Two days after that significant chat and a promise of meeting in person, I saw him again connected without any signs that says ¨busy¨or any of those self made online status like ¨I´m in the bathroom, go f%&k yourself¨ or ¨a little less conversation, a little more action¨ (that´s my favourite so far. :)) In which, I thought was a go signal that I could actually talk to him.
So finally, I said HI.No answer.
I tried to be cute, I sent him a smiley.Nothing.
I waited for at least 10 minutes. As an impatient scorpion that I am, I finally decided to swallow my little left pride and finally asked him,
¨Don´t you wanna talk with me?¨ I thought I am too old and too beautiful to play this game, I needed an answer.At last, he did.
¨HI. I´m sorry, I´m watching football. My favourite team is playing and I just can´t miss it¨.

I thought it was a real turn on. How butch can that be? Where on earth can you find a gay man who is a football fan? Again, my heart melted.

¨I never liked football however, I like David Beckham for obvious reasons¨, I said.

¨There is nothing good about Beckham. He is a lousy player and a fashionista fag who shaves his whole body. Zidane and whats-his-face-i-cant-rememeber Italian player are far more better. they are real man. ¨, he said with conviction.

I used to be a debater in college and like a curse, a statement as minute and totally insignificant as this would get my blood boil for a mouth to mouth combat.

¨Well no doubt David Beckham is beautiful and i don´t see any problem if he waxes his ass everyday. On the contrary, I find it sexy. Moreover, a lot of people fail to notice that David has excellent entrepreneurial skills using both his charms and fame to get whatever he wants in this world¨, said I

Long pause. I knew he is up for the kill.

¨ I don´t admire people like the Beckhams. they are people void with true aspects of being human. All they care about is money and nothing more. People like the taxi drivers, the construction workers, the mechanics--these are real people and with them you can find the wisdom in life¨
Then I boiled up.

You can just imagine what happened in the next 30 minutes or so of our conversation. I tell you, I have been in the same rich-versus-poor argument the second time in the span of six months now . First was with my professor who called me ¨a patriot of commercialism¨ after telling him how I want to have a Louis Vuitton luggage in the future and now, with this guy I hardly knew. It gets really tiresome having to debate with someone who talks about poverty without even knowing what it is. I know what poverty is, we Filipinos know it. Everyday, we see people eating garbage for breakfast. now don´t talk to me about poverty. I've been there so long, I think I deserve a Louis fucking Vuitton!
(Thanks Ms. Mariel for these diva statements. hehehe)

Anyway, In the end, he gave me a lame excuse like he was about to have dinner or something just to get off the messenger. He didn´t actually logged off. just put the sign, busy.

I knew that was the end of it.

Today, he was connected again the whole day as I was but we never dared to exchange Hi´s. Maybe we were just waiting for the first one to click the send button however, I didn´t feel brave today. What for? Him, along with other 15 other green heads (if you are using msn you must know what i mean) whose names I don´t seem to remember were silent. All of them used to be funny...interesting...full of life when we first chatted but now, it was as if we were in a funeral room and not a chatroom. I was wondering what I said wrong for them to be silent.
Nothing, I suppose.On the contrary, I was always the one to say HI. But then again, maybe that was it.

As I blow the smoke from the last of my cigarette, I decided to shut off my messenger for good.