Amores Perros

My Friend Charlotte called me up two days ago to ask if I could babysit her dog for two months.

I almost choked. I can't even be responsible for myself, how could I f*ng take care of a f*ing dog?

Here's how bad I am with responsibilidades: I don't remember my parents' years of birth, thrice I lost my wallet, I don't memorize phone numbers (I can't even tell you my own number. Don't have it off the top of my head), I'm so bad in relationships I RECENTLY BEEN DUMPED THE SECOND TIME BY THE SAME MAN and the only thing I'm good about is sex. How could I be a foster parent to a creature which needs a lot of attention? To tell you the truth, if my penis is not connected with my body I could have had lost it a looooooong time ago. That's how irresponsible I am.

¨We don't have enough space in our apartment¨. I told her.
¨Ok, then maybe I should just get rid of it in the evening. I'm gonna put it in a sack or something and throw it on the beach¨, she said.
I was waiting for guilt to hit me hard on the head and heart but It didn't come.
¨Hmmm...what if you just lead it astray in the next town or something?, I said. (At least I was still concerned, no? hehehe)
¨I don't know what I will do but thanks anyway¨. And she hung up.

Jeesuz, I feel bad for her but what can I do? If she leaves the poor thing to me, she will have it back looking worse than Nicole Richie, all bone and skin or better yet, she will have it back in ashes.

I admit I am not the best person when it comes to pets and relationship. I mean yeah, my friends tell me sometimes when they are all in tears over a lost love, that pets are better than having a relationship, in which, I could not give my honest opinion on because I never had any sane affair nor a pet, nunca (Okay, we had dogs in the family when we were growing up but i thought they were hideous because they always lick their own genitals and one of the sons was humping the mom and at the end, she bore incestuous offsprings. Eeew.) In Alcoholics Anonymous, they believe that a person is ready to face the world again and establish a healthy human affair if they are able to keep a pet or a plant, ALIVE after a certain period of time. Genius. Good thing I am not an alcoholic so I would not have to go through these rituals. I don' need an animal and a plant to tell me that I messed up my lovelife, BIG TIME.Thank you very much.

My Spanish friend gave me a cactus for Christmas and that was the first and the last time that I saw of it. It is in my terraza though. I think it¡s ok. If it can survive the desert, it can survive my wonderful Spanish azotea.

At this age and time, it is true that people resort to adopting animals as a result of lack of sufficient human interaction.
Lonely? get a cat
Want someone to greet you when you get home, tired and hammered from work? get dog.
Want someone to talk to? Get a parrot. In case you don´t want someone or something to talk back and think that everything you say true, get an Iguana, or a snake or a fish.
Want someone or something to cuddle at night? get a pig
(oh, well, you might as well get a man then, anyway, they are the same) or a rabbit (oh, don't we just want to meet someone you shags like a rabbit...)

I believe it is not that people do not want to have a healthy relationship--whether it be friendship, family or romance. On the contrary, everyone aspires to have a perfectly normal human interaction. However,because we live in a world where everything moves fast and ever changing, there's always something to catch up with, something to chase, something to achieve or else, we feel inadequate, we feel less. Hence priorities have changed. We care more about how more we earn than the others, a better position in the workplace, a better car, a more sophisticated phone, a more expensive bag, a more luxurious apartment, a richer boyfriend, the best shag.

With the goal of achieving all of these which we thought are the most important things in life at the moment, we ignore REAL human connection. True, we go out, meet people, have fun but at the end of the day, WE ARE STILL ALONE (unless of course,you decide to tie the knot with someone which is the the SCARIEST of all).

Going out leads to one night stands. Parties gain you acquaintances but NOT real friends. Whether we admit it or not, we are adamant of getting involved especially EMOTIONALLY for the fear of losing our goals or worst, BE HURT.

And that's where our animal friends come in. They satisfy our secret longings for companionship, friendship and relieve us of our solitude. They will always be there to talk to at times when you desperately needs someone to talk with and there's no one to call to; they cheer you up after a shitty day at work; they don't argue, they don't complain, and they don't care if you haven't washed your sheets for weeks. If they're mad, they bite; they don't give you that cold stare and two week silence. They never say NO for a cuddle even if they are tired and they don't give a damn if you watch UGLY BETTY when everyone thought you have an IQ higher than your Math professor in College.

Sometimes, I feel bad for these pets. They become shock absorbers to their emotionally imbalance, lonely, solitary owners. Well, I guess that's what they are for anyway, basically to animate, to cheer up and to at least be a living reminder that one can ever be alone. There´s always a stray dog or cat in this world's dark alleys to become your friend even when nobody wants to.

At the last party I attended, there was this guy who has a snake as pet (it was de-fanged and got no venom). He said he chose to have one because just like Iguana, it is low maintenance too. I thought he was talking about his boyfriend who sat on a corner the whole time, seemingly lost in a blackhole. I was wrong, his boyfriend's name was Juan, not Iguana.

I will get some pets too someday: Two Baby Crocodiles converted into a shiny, fabulous, expensive pair of stilletos called Blahnik...