Menacing the Men in Granada

I´m bringin´sexy back to this fucking blogsite. Well, in the first place it never left...just look at my pictures and you suddenly feel some warmth in your groin area.
Anyway.

After the long drive...the effing hot sun...a bottle of SPF 50 and a dramatic fall in the palace, I still managed to take some candid shots of the most delicious men in Granada. Well, actually just a few of them coz THERE WEREN´T THAT MANY. A lot of the tourist are octogenarian couples trying to have a good look at planet Earth for the last time.

Enough of the blabbering. Let´s get down to business.

Guy 1: He must be German, or Norweigan, I am not really sure but who cares where he comes from. He is just soooo sweet looking isn´t he? The guy next door type who you can proudly take home and introduce to yur parents without any hesitations. He is the type of guy who still writes handwritten (not emailed ) love letters and gives you chocolate and flowers in your anniversaries or even if you are just pretending to be sick or something. Your nieces and nephews play with him (though never with you) and your siblings adore him. Your family is arms and legs wide open to welcome him as part of your family even though you are dating him for just two weeks.

Beware though. Sweet guys can be tasteless after a long time. In bed, he could be a little bit boring with all his little kisses, gentle touches and delicate manoeuvres when in reality, what you really want is a mind blowing sex with skilful moves, burning caresses filled with filthy shoutings, groanings and moanings that will put JENNA JAMESON into shame.

I say go with this guy and you´ll go straight to heaven. I mean the one up in the sky though, not in your bed.


Let´s hear it from Guy Number 2:

He is the coolest of cool. He watches MTV all day long, listens to Hed Kandi in his Nano pod, goes to ZARA every weekend to check out the latest style and party all night with the most beautiful people in town.

Ask him what the purpose of his life is though and you´ll get the uhhhmmm..ahhhhh..next question please response. Ask him who Bill Gates is, he probably wouldn´t have a clue. Ask him who Barrack Hussein Obama is and he thinks he´s a terrorist. That is the reason why, YOU DON´t ask him anything at all. Just shut you mouth up and move your head up and down while your´re riding his ride. Get your micromini skirt , your stilleto shoes and party with him on a Saturday night just to be seen. He is a trophy boyfriend and you have to let people see your award. Be glamorous. Be cool even if it means spending all your hard earned cash on a weekend, leaving you happy to be pigging on Coke Light and raisins the whole week ahead.

Moving on...here´s Guy Number 3:


Well, Hello there Muscled Mary Poppins!
Mr. Muscle 2007 daily feeds on steroids. Ask him the drug of his choice, we would surely tell you it is the Big S. His hobbies include 1000 crunches a day, checking out himself at the mirror 24/7, and secretly checking out the guys in the gym´s locker room.

My friend Jorge said the lousiest lovers in this world are the muscled men. They are nice to look at, but that´s just it. NOTHING MORE. In my heydays of being Ms. Ma-kati in my country, I can therefore conclude that´s Jorge´s theory should be put in the textbook, or the WIKIPEDIA because it is sooo true. I was this black muscled man before and while doing it, he was staring at himself at the life-size mirror in the room, adoring his glistening, sweaty, six packs. Yeah, he was beautiful but after an hour-long attempt to get HIS up, I got tired and left. Beware muscled men, you may be big and strong but there´s THAT part of your body which is NOT.


And then there´s the WINNER!

I know, I know, he is muscled as well. But unlike guy number 3, his muscles are natural not steroids. This guys must had had a very difficult/poor childhood that he used to chop wood for fire in his native Swiss Alps or something. However, after noticing that he could make business out of his muscles, he immediately enrolled himself in a strip dancing lessons and eventually became the highest paying stripper in town. His clients include old but filthy rich gay fashion designers, unhappy CEO wives and the local priests and pastors in the country. After 6 months, Whoa!!! Money+good looks=success!

Too bad I had a bad fall that very uneventful day otherwise, I might have had one of these beauties in my bed that very same night.

Oh well, I should just be glad that Colin Farrell is still my screensaver.

Till then!