Yohooo!!! To my two faithful readers, I´m back with a vengeance.

After days of solitude and pondering, again, for the nth time, I´ve come up with a plan for myself.

You see, I´ve always dreamed of being thin. To be precise, SKINNY on the verge of being anorexic. You know... that rock star kind of thin...too much drugs, sex and rock and roll case. However; years of attempts and until now only my SOUL has achieved that but not my physical body.

I´ve tried every diet available in the market but I always go back to my voluptuous self: BANGKOK pills at the height of it´s popularity and I lost a couple of kilos but the problem was, I always felt like floating after taking those goddamn pills. I remember doing a mountainous pile of laundry without any efforts at all `cause I felt really light and energetic--exactly what it feels like after 10 grams of metamphetamine (not that I tried it though but that´s what they say).

Before I came to Spain, I was on ATKINS diet and God! how I loved it. I was waif, and everybody thought I was 18 years old (I was 25 at that time)! However, coming to the coast without anything but your perfect American accent, a lip gloss and a pack of Marlboro Lights was not exactly a passport to fame and fortune like everybody back home thought it would be if you migrate to other countries. You had to survive and find a job even if it means de-scaling and pulling out fish guts, washing dishes, and scrubbing filthy restaurant floors. With these tedious activities, you need the help of CARBOHYDRATE=evil. So, instead of lying on the floor half breathing due to starvation, I went back to eating carbs=evil and obviously now, my cheeks are puffed again like never before.

Then I got the red alert: My friends from Manila are coming over to visit me in June and they are all slim and fabulous (again,thanks to ATKINS). I spoke to one of them, Xtian and she told me: ¨You have to go on a diet, honey or else, we will laugh at your face!¨ .
Don´t you just love her?

Not only that. These past few months, I have been slapped left and right with below the belt criticisms (about my weight , what else) by people I know and barely know.

Yesterday, i bumped with an old officemate, Murray, after more than two years of absolute silence. He is a 30 something German-Spanish baby maker whose work is to do anything and everything legal and illegal here in the coast aside from prostituting himself ( which I´m sure would leave him bankrupt if he does). He is 100 % straight and has an exotic coloured wife and a son who talks one thousand words per minute.

I immediately noticed how much he lost weight so I asked him what illegal substance he is using and maybe, just maybe, I could put an order to his supplier.

¨Too much sex. It is just crazy¨he said, with a weird andaluz-german accent.
¨Yeah right¨ I said.
¨well okay, not too much but too long. It takes me 2 hours know...¨
¨You wish¨
¨What about you, I liked you better before: slim, petite, etc. You look like a man now. You gained weight!¨

I almost fainted when he said that. I knew I had to do something. My mouth was spewing froth and I didn´t know how to react. This man, who doesn´t even know me that well has just blatantly criticized my weight without any remorse!

So today is my first official day of going back to my beloved ATKINS diet. Lunchtime, I had ham and cheese sans bread. Lovely. For dinner, I had vegetable salad and a piece of pork. That´s it. No fucking carbs=evil!!!!

If anorexia can kill so does Obesity. Check this out. Children should not be fed like PIGS. They are human beings. You cannot sell them to the butchery, for crying out loud!!! In my opinion, I think this mother should be stoned to death on top of the BIG BEN for making her kid as big as an elephant at the age of what? 8!!!!

I am not mean. I just feel bad for this kid who might be suffering from daily dose of Bullying in school.

The world is cruel, whether we accept it or not. The idea of beauty has changed. I want to be want to be thin...everybody wants to be thin and that is a FACT.

Channelling Carson Daly...manorexia, here I come.