Hello! My name is Jenna Jameson and I am Spain´s biggest teleporn star. Well, at least I used to be. No, I don´t have any connections to the REAL Jenna Jameson aside from the fact the we have the same name and almost the same profession. She, as the world´s biggest porn star, and I, as Spain´s biggest telemarketing whore, well yeah... used to be. Now, I write and getting paid for it.
When I moved to the Costa del sol in 2004, I didn´t know that there was only a limited selection of jobs that you can actually do. Either you become :
a.) a smelly kitchen staff serving boquerones and tinto de veranos in your friendly chiringuitos or
b.) domestic-diva-for-pay cleaning huge Spanish villas; getting molested by your big, fat hairy Señor and being called ¨Cha-cha¨ short for La Muchaha for the rest of your life
c.) a mafia mistress/mafia owned prostitute
e.) a con
f.) a timeshare telemarketer/con
g.) a con
So after a short stint of being option A, I decided to move on and shift career as option E. It was a grand shift I tell you, I became an overnight sucesss.
I was inviting old, sweaty, grumpy, viagra-using Managing Directors and Company owners in the UK to experience the pleasures of sponsoring drug awareness books for children age 9, 10 and 11. It was whoring with a heart. You see, I was convincing them to spend their money for a charitable deed instead of splurging on tons of fake Viagras, buying dinner for their Russian mistresses or wasting money over expensive trip to Thailand for a quick, mind-blowing blow jobs from ladyboys. I saved their souls from sins although I prostituted mine over the phone. A lot of them would not want to sponsor but there are many of those kind hearted, half-witted people who will give me their credit card details on my first moans.
When I applied for the job, I was more than prepare for the trade. How come? I was trained in the best call centre cesspool of Asia, if not the world--The Philippines. I used to work for an American Directory Assistance in Makati which is more or less like the West Point of all call centres in the country. I was a telephone dominatrix working from mindnight til 8am the following day giving residential and business listings in the US , Canada, and the Papi Chulos of Puerto Rico. I learned to speak with a flawless American accent and later on promoted to pimp the streets of UK via 118*** directory assistance. So there you go, I was in the truest sense of the word, an INTERNATIONAL CALL (centre) GIRL.
Back to Spain:
At first I didn´t know what name to use over the phone. Aiming for Teleporn stardom, I had to bank on a name which every pervs in this world know so I baptised myself, Jenna Jameson. It was not difficult to keep my anonymity in our office. Not one of my proper English (all women) officemates knew who Jenna Jameson was. In the UK she was not that famous except for the filthy Pakistani restaurant owners who said they have my precious intimate parts as a wallpaper to their mobile phones.
Until one day when a delicious british hunk David, started to work with us as a teleporn newbie.
He heard me said my name on the phone and was flabbergasted.
"What did you say your name was?", he asked
" Exactly what you heard and I won´t repeat it coz you might get excited"
" Holy shit! I love Jenna Jameson!"
" Well honey, you have to keep your horses because it is just my whoring name. If you wanna get to bed with my voice, dial my extension"
" Okay, love."
The whole office was scandalized after knowing the real identity of my name. My boss tried to eternally alter it into some hideous ones like JJ, John, Jay, Jason and god knows what else. However, the accounts department always got a difficult time chasing my cheques because the clients would say, "Oh, I didn´t speak with a man. I spoke with a very nice lady!" Hence, I continued to be a teleporn star with ¨Jenna Jameson¨pinned onto my bosom.
I tried to stop prostituting books on drug awareness for kids on the phone however; the money was excellent and really did not fancy working as those options mentioned above. For a year and half I continued to lick, suck, blow, hump and most of the time, swallow all the verbal abuses and soul degrading remarks from all company masters in the UK because I knew, at the end of the week, everything translates into a bouncing beautiful cheque.
Until one day, the unexpected thing happened--we had to shut the our own little pornography world! One the company directors suddenly vanished to build her own teleporn dynasty in the UK. Her greatest bet to success--the same book that we have been pimping for years!.
Actually it was not that unexpected since Costa Del Sol is a playground of the rich, the famous and big time cons e.g. swindlers , drug dealers, mafias etc. Don´t get me wrong, the coast is beautifullllllll and it´s province´s flagbearer, Marbella, has always been the the Nice, Cannes, or St. Tropez of the Andalucian world, if not of Spain. Celebrities, royalties and well known Hollywood personalities flock here during summer and in Puerto Banus, Marbella´s party port, bottled water costs 20 euros (that´s 1,200 Php) , you´ll be glad to get pissed at home first before hitting the clubs there.
The good times of whoring was over and I was scared. I didn´t know any other jobs than licking the f*ing phone, groaning, moaning breathing hard till I get that climactic response--- ¨YESSSSSSSSSSSS, send me the invoice, please!¨ at the end of the line. It was tough but we had to move on. My stardom became stardoomed. I had to close that chapter of my life; the same thing I closed my legs, and my mouth.
The last time I heard of David was months ago. He called me Jenna.
I knew I had my 5 minutes of fame.